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Ranking Places to Die (Based on Song Lyrics)

Introduction

People die eventually. Before then, they have opinions about where good and bad places to die are. Sometimes they write songs detailing these opinions. And then, sometimes someone decides to compile those sung-about opinions into a blog post! This is an ongoing list that ranks locations based on whether songwriters want to die there or not. If you know a song that contains an opinion about whether to die in a location, leave a comment on this page!

Rankings will mostly be based on the opinions expressed by songwriters, including how convincing their argument within the song is for why X place is good or bad to die in. That said, this isn't intended to be a totally objective ranking since I'll be influenced by songs I know of in the first place, as well as how much I like the artist or song and the place. If you disagree with my evaluations please write your complaints on a fruit or vegetable that's past its prime and go bury it in your yard. If you don't have a yard, or don't have a shovel, you can instead throw the fruit or vegetable at the congressional representative of wherever you would least like to die (or the area's equivalent if that is not in the U.S.).

Don't Let Me Die In...

Florida - 0/10

Please don't let me die in Florida
I don't care about my name
If you catch me dying in Daytona
Roll my bed on to a train

"Don't Let Me Die in Florida" - Patty Griffin

We're starting off by getting straight to the point. The very first lyrics of this song explain in no uncertain terms not to let the narrator die in Florida. There are also instructions for what to do to avoid this fate: even if they're actively dying, the first order of business is to get them on the way to somewhere better to die. The options for that somewhere better are varied, making it clear that specifically Florida sucks to die in. Somewhere cold and snowy is one option, and California is another. It's not totally clear if the narrator lives in Florida or is just really covering their bases; they've definitely been elsewhere, though ("to war") so they seem to be comparing the terrible fate of dying in Florida to the comparatively better fate of dying somewhere that is not Florida.

Also worth mentioning is the fact that this song has been covered by The Chicks, which gives the argument more points since multiple artists have signed off on the sentiment. Also, I don't like Florida and wouldn't want to die there either.

Waco, Texas - 1/10

I said, 'Lord...
Don't let me die in Waco
Anywhere but there

"Don't Let Me Die in Waco" - Croy and the Boys

Following the Florida naming convention, this song's title and lyrics are quite clear in their distaste for Waco. I'm giving it one point because the song gives some leeway in that it describes dying on a Greyhound bus, which gives some leeway in that Croy and the Boys really just need to avoid being declared dead in Waco. The specificity helps make the argument stronger, though, as that same wiggle room of being okay with dying an hour outside of Waco, or in Oklahoma, Austin, or College Station. The narrator does seem to live in Waco in this song as well, so they could maybe be doing a little more to prevent dying in Waco.

Chicago, Illinois - 2/10

I can't stand Chicago...
And If I die in this shithole
Float my corpse down the Calumet
'Cause I'd rather rot in Gary

"I Hate Chicago" - Laura Jane Grace & The Devourers

While this song title breaks form from the last two, the sentiment is right in line with them. We've got a list of nice specific gripes with Chicago and places within the city and how much they suck. Little is left to the imagination. There's plenty of planning ahead and thinking about not being in Chicago and making sure not to die there. The vitriol towards the windy city is slightly dampened by two things, hence the two points out of ten this song gets. First of all, this is a song about divorce, and Laura Jane Grace hates Chicago "for every reason that [her ex] loves it" which makes this more of an "I don't want to die in Chicago" song than a "Chicago is a terrible place for anyone to have to die" song. Which, sure, maybe you could say for all of these, but I'm the one writing these. The second point comes from the concession that "maybe it's not all of Cook County's fault."

I'd Like to Die In...

Arkansas - 7/10

And there's preachers every Sunday, muscadines each fall,
I'd like to die in Arkansas if I should die at all.

"Folk Art Masterpiece" - Willi Carlisle

This is a lovely reflection on a place that has helped the narrator feel a connection to their family as well as helped them find joy and appreciation in life. It paints an idyllic picture of Arkansas that highlights the reasons the narrator likes it. Points taken off for the implication that the narrator might not die; we disapprove of immortality here at notaroh.neocities.org.

Earth - 10/10

We pray for one last landing
On the globe that gave us birth;
Let us rest our eyes on fleecy skies
And the cool, green hills of Earth.

"The Green Hills of Earth" - Marc Bernstein, Robert Heinlein

I'm giving this a 10, but it feels like a dirty 10. Earth is so general. Even "the cool, green hills of Earth" could be so many places, and in the context of the song and the short story it's based on it's pretty general to being about dying on Earth. Even though it feels like a kind of dirty 10, I do think it's deserved; it's more including it on this list that feels questionable than ranking Earth as a good place to die. This is our home, it's where we evolved, it's where our bodies can reenter the nutrient cycles that made us in the first place. It's beautiful. Also sci-fi is great.